Hi. My name is Chris and I’m quirky, curious, and highly unexceptional.
I’d love to leave it there, but people tend to prefer more in these “Why I’m the Most Golden Special Flower” pages than what I just shared, so I’ll go a bit further…
I truly am a rather average and unexceptional person enjoying the human experience.
The only thing I ever happened to be incredibly skilled with (acing tests in school)… has turned out to have little to no value in the real world…
And that’s how I wound up at 23 in a state of despair… I didn’t have close friends, my relationship with family was not all the strong, I was struggling to do well at work, and my plan for finding love was based off rom-coms…
(Truth for how I hoped I’d find love: grocery shopping… our eyes would lock as we both reached for the frozen pepperoni pizza with the cheese-loaded crust… it would be the last box. After a minor scuffle, we’d agree to share the pizza and so would begin a romance for the ages…)
From a place of deep loneliness and depression I wanted to understand people better:
- Who the hell were they?
- What did they want?
- Why did it seem like I was basically playing “will-this-person-like-me” roulette every time I met someone?
- Why didn’t they like me?
- What did I do wrong?
- Am I destined to just not be good with people my whole life?
These questions swam through my brain day in and day out for years… and I kept saying, “One day it will work out… I just don’t have X yet. Once I have that, then things will work for me.”
For X, you can substitute in money, a good job, a cool place of my own, style, chiseled abs, a sweet car
All of those and many more were the requirements I thought I needed for someone to like me.
And when I exhausted all the external solutions to my issues and the “just be yourself” advice wasn’t working, I knew I had to figure something else out.
And by no means was I brave with the decision I made next… my decision was made out of desperation… out of a blind gamble that I had no guarantee of working out to hopefully change my life…
I stumbled on Meetup.com and found a group that no longer exists that offered a very odd proposal… In short the proposal was:
How would you like to move to Las Vegas, forget everything you know to be true (because it’s wrong and you have no clue what you’re doing) and pay us a lot of money to know everything we know about people?
Without other options, I took the chance and that decision changed my life… for good and for bad (and eventually for a lot of good).
I won’t speak much on my early mentors. I’ll say they were good with people… although their method of instruction and beliefs about people were limited… and involved years of unlearning for me to get where I am today.
Over the course of 7 years, I’ve learned a ton about people and myself… how to be happy just as I am, how to make friends and have girlfriends, how to have meaningful relationships with my family, how to emote and connect with people so much different than myself.
I accidentally became good at sales, negotiations, getting hired for jobs without the required experience, resolving conflict, public speaking, marketing, writing dating profiles, helping people change their limiting beliefs and become better versions of themselves…
And when I boil it all down, it came from understanding how people are and how to communicate effectively.
Over the past 7 years, there’s 1 question that has remained on my mind… it keeps coming up over and over… and it won’t seem to stop until I come up with the answer…
The question is…
What did I have to know then (at 23 or earlier) that I know now that would have changed everything and saved me 7 years of… money spent, emotional highs and lows, months of constantly questioning if I was on the right track, missing family event after family event in the name of self-improvement?
And I’m grateful because the answer is nearer than ever…
Because I know how much it sucked to be lonely, full of self-doubt, and truly feel like there’s no real option…
I know how much it sucks for another Friday night to come and go while nothing has really changed in my life, but I know people are out living a happy social life.
I know how tiring and exhausting thoughts can be with constantly questioning whether we’re doing or saying the right thing… talking too much? too little? offending? too nice? too needy?
The brain can be fantastic at whipping up the right blend of anxiety, paranoia, and discomfort to really work a number on us…
And it sucks.
So I did figure this stuff out. And I figured it out because I’m incredibly unexceptional.
In fact, I’m a ridiculously slow learner.
The reason is… I need every single detail filled-in, and I couldn’t find a book, video, training, or trainer that could break down people. If there was a way to misunderstand something, I was an expert at that.
And this led to a great deal of frustration from teachers (the early ones gave up and told me I was fundamentally broken and must have had a neurological disorder) and led me to have to start surveying people, asking questions and digging deeper than anyone I’ve yet come across with coding and designing an end-to-end system to understanding how connections happen.
From all of this, I eventually did come up with a theory and procedures and exercises people could practice and learn quickly…
What took me 7 years to understand, I gratefully now see most people I help figuring out within a few months tops.
I’m thrilled for who I’ve helped so far and continue to dig, learn, experiment, and share what I learn with my vision being to one day present a 45 minute training that can teach a person every fundamental they need to get going with communication.
Where many see this as a wild dream, I know how much better communication has changed my life. I also know a world with great communicators is a happier more peaceful world.
And I am grateful you are here when there’s so many other places you can be, so if who I am and what I’m about matters to you, I hope this has given some deeper insight.