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Dating

The Top 3 Ways to Get a Date

So you’re ready to date… Where do you start? How do you meet women that you are interested in?

In the sea of dating apps and advice out there these days, things can get confusing…

Do you go to Tinder or a shopping mall or a coffee shop or a grocery store or something else altogether to meet women you like?

While there may seem like there’s a ton of options out there and the process can feel overwhelming, at the end of the day there’s really only 3 ways to meet someone new.

Here we’ll go over what those ways are and the pros and cons of each.

The "Cold Approach"

The “cold approach” is when you meet someone completely new that you likely have no previous history with or connections to who you saw as you were going about your day.

For many men, the concept of going up to a complete stranger and see how you get along can be both alluring and intimidating.

After all if you saw a stranger who piqued your interest as you were going about your day, would you feel comfortable going up to them and beginning a conversation?

Pros:

  • You can do this anywhere and anytime
  • It's exciting
  • Because most men do not begin conversations with women as they are going about their day, you will be perceived as confident and more attractive by the woman... even if you aren't feeling that way.
  • There is a 100% guarantee that you will have the opportunity to talk to this girl.
  • Your general people skills will improve with practice

Cons:

  • Talking to strangers can be intimidating
  • This can be time-consuming based on the type of woman you would like to meet. While you might be outwardly attracted to her, this might be where the infatuation ends... if you want to be with a woman familiar with an entrepreneurial lifestyle and the woman you meet is an attractive college student, you might not have enough shared life experience for more than a few fun interactions.
  • She will usually have plans for her day/night, so you don't have her undivided attention long (usually)

Summary:

“Cold approach” is a great way for guys to get going, especially if they just want more experience and fun with talking to women. The true beauty of cold approach is that this style falls in line with living an abundant life…

Imagine walking down the street, seeing a woman who really captures your attention and having the confidence and capability to walk up to her, begin a conversation to see if there’s a spark, and to know how to move the interaction from complete strangers to a first date and beyond…

Once a man embodies this reality, his life will fundamentally change. He will start having more compatible women show up in his life and the engagement with these women will feel natural and easy.

Going Digital

And now we hit the trending way to meet people…

Facebook Dating, Tinder, OKCupid, Hinge, Bumble and who knows what else will exist 10 minutes after I post this are giving us the freedom to meet in a way that’s never existed before.

Pros:

  • Dates from the comfort of your own home
  • You can get a better feel for the person you will meet based on the site/app you are on
  • You don't have to be as "on point" conversationally because you have more time to respond
  • There is a 100% guarantee that the woman is interested in dating
  • Rejection tends to sting less
  • Less intimidating than in person (especially for introverts)
  • You can be setting up dates any time of day or night, wearing anything (or nothing)
  • The messaging process itself is incredibly formulaic... meaning, once you understand the underlying framework to setting up dates, you'll never have an issue setting up a date again.

Cons:

  • Pictures and looks matter... a LOT. Generally, the most attractive men and women are getting a disproportionately number of matches compared to the average person. Your personality will not go as far digitally as in person
  • The flake factor. It's so easy for people to flake on a profile. This means any date you set up digitally is less solid than a date set up face-to-face. Also you can become heavily jaded and disillusioned by the dating process in general if this is your only method of setting up dates
  • Vision strain. No joke... I feel my eyes burning when on these apps too long. When I was studying Tinder several years ago, I was on it several hours a day and regularly felt burning in my eyes after the fact.
  • Scammers. Of course these exist too. And while it tends to be rather straightforward to not give people money on Tinder, it still is disappointing to get . excited about a date only for it to disappoint.

Summary:

I first learned to talk to women with “cold approach.” Then I got introduced to Tinder back in it’s early days and struggled immensely before figuring out what worked and what didn’t.

With enough time, I started to notice the common trends in how women messaged and wrote about their lives, I was able to develop a streamlined process for messaging, setting up dates, and the overall relationship process. 

Digital is a great supplement to engaging with people in real life, but if it’s all a guy does, a guy can become detached from real interaction and feel reliant on his phone to have amazing women in his life.

In Social Circles

A social circle is a group of like-minded people who get together or do things together.

It can be less formal, like a group of friends. Or it can be more formal like an association, work, or a class.

Pros:

  • Trust is built-in to almost any social circle. This means that right away, a woman will be more receptive to talking with you because you and her share a common interest... and have a common assocation
  • You generally will see this woman more than once because social circles get together periodically. This means, you don't have to stress about everything being perfect the first time
  • You have common interests, so there's a greater likelihood of compatibility since you're in the same social circle.

Cons:

  • Finding and getting into the "right" social circles can be a challenge.
  • Sometimes there's a built-in hierarchy to the social circle that you will have to navigate...

Summary:

Social circles are fantastic. They can give you so much more than just a date. Before the era of digital dating, social circles was the primary way to meet a partner…

Common social circles included work, a class, and interest groups.

The interesting thing I find with social circles is that it’s easy for a socially adept guy to flourish in a social circle… especially in the digital dating age. 

In fact–what I’ve seen with guys I’ve helped is–it’s easier now than ever for a guy with basic social skills and a plan to get dates through social circles because most people aren’t too good socially anymore.

Where to Start...

Any of these three ways will work with meeting women for possible dates. Where you start is up to you.

All of these options work and the big question is…

What naturally fits for you? And what’s the easiest place to start?

For a guy that has taken good photos and works a lot, digital dating might be a no-brainer.

For a guy who loves meeting new people and has no problem interacting with strangers, the world is your playground and go wherever the type of women you are looking for might be.

The biggest message (cliche as it may be) is… get the hell out there! Start engaging in some conversations! 

And if all of this is exciting but you still are feeling lost, schedule a strategy session and you and I can talk in depth about how to get you where you want in dating.