Categories
Dating

What I Wish I Had Known When I Was Starting Out

So I LOVE books. They can be a massive value add and jumpstart a person’s learning.

Here’s the problem…

We live in an era of self-publishing where anyone can write something up and put it online and Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other online bookstores.

Because the bar of entry is so low (as in, ANYONE can self-publish a book), there’s no way to assess who is knowledgeable in a given field of expertise.

So this is problem #1, the source (as in author) may not be reliable and the information may thus be unreliable.

The situation gets worse in the dating industry…

Some people may not know that dating information was the first form of marketing. Eben Pagan, better known as David Deangelo in the dating industry, began the internet marketing industry with his dating advice. 

And while he has gone on to do many other things, his marketing methods continue to live on in the dating advice world. There are many many copycats out there ripping off his information and other people’s information then self-publishing and repackaging this information as new ebooks and programs.

So a guy coming into all of this is going to have a sea of information to sort through related to dating and frankly, most of it is BAD. Like really really BAD advice.

To save you the time in reading and doing things that just plain don’t work, here’s my list of the ONLY books/podcast I would recommend a guy read/listen to to get going.

I will say, I couldn’t possibly have read and listened to everything out there, but these are the only books I’ve read that–to this day–ring true for me and are mostly original in content. There are some big name books out there which didn’t make the list, and it’s because… well… they aren’t actually good advice…

They might have given guys inspiration or a piece of the puzzle, but largely, they are more likely to misguide a guy than to help him.

I consider those books like chemotherapy… will they help 10% of the guys? Sure… but what about the other 90% who they actually harm?

Here are books and 1 podcast that will make any guy better no matter what his current situation:

The List

Models by Mark Manson

Great overview. Some pick up artists might have a tough time stomaching how much Mark goes after them, but I strongly recommend to adapt and accept his perspective. I started out by learning pick up artist stuff. It was when I became more authentic that my dating life really took off and became fantastic. Great for getting going

Mating Grounds with Tucker Max

This is the frank conversation your brother or father figure never had with you. I wish this had been around when I got started or before dating had become an issue in my life. Part of my learning dating was being amongst other guys openly talking about our failures and successes around dating. This is sort of like getting to listen in on that type of conversation in progress.

What Women Want

A book version of the podcast with all of the content in an easy to access way. Great overview of dating. This plus Models are all a guy really need in terms of books to get going.

The Way of the Superior Man

Great book for men ready to dive a little deeper and understand relationships and the differences between men and women from an energetic standpoint. Full disclosure: When I first tried reading this, I thought it was a load of crap because of how esoteric it was. Years later, I really appreciate it. So it's super valuable at outlining how to be an attractive man and think about women but not at an actionable level.

The Relationship Handbook

This book transformed my ability to be in relationships. I read the whole thing in about an hour on a trip to Colombia with a relationship that was on the rocks... After reading this book and taking action, our issues transformed and were no longer a problem. The "problems" in the relationship didn't go away but the way we perceived them did.

Sex God Method by Daniel Rose

The title was so grandiose, I ignored this book for ages. Within it is advice on sex, role play, and sexting. This is fantastic for any man when sprucing up the sex life becomes important.

Conclusion

These books (and podcast) are enough to get you started. PLEASE read what is useful and TAKE ACTION. If you’re still struggling, more books will likely not be the solution. The cost-benefit analysis will lead you to take that time taking action and practicing.

If you’re looking for the perfect line or what to say, the majority of dating advice books out there give poor or even harmful advice that either flat out don’t work or work for a very specific type of person, which is rarely taken into account when dating “gurus” write up these books. Their goal tends to be mass sales rather than to help the masses.

So if you’ve ever read a book and felt sort of “duped” at the end or were left wanting more or felt like you must’ve missed something because the book overpromised and underdelivered, you probably were accurate in your observation and run like hell from that guru.

I’ve had people ask me if I’ll ever write another book on dating or social skills. It’s an attractive idea but–when I get real with myself–it’s not the greatest service I can do for myself or anyone else.

The information shared above is enough to get going. I’ve gone through 100s of books on dating and interpersonal communication and those are all you need to get going.

Beyond that, I would STRONGLY recommend finding a coach if dating is a priority for you. Before deciding on a coach, decide what do you actually want and make sure the coach can get you that. It’s tempting to fall for the coach that promises you a harem of women or to date strippers and models, but ask yourself… is that what you really want?

Odds are, no. Those are just 2 options in the realm of infinite possibility that your dating life could be. Most guys get hypnotized by a promise like that (I know I did for awhile) and struggle at attaining it for a longggg time. Typically, we struggle when we are going after something that we don’t actually want deep down.

So do yourself a favor.

Ask yourself, “What do I want?”

“When it comes to my life, what would I need to know or experience so that this area of my life no longer seemed like a problem?”

Then talk to a coach and see if he (or she but I encourage a guy since there’s a value in someone who has shared your journey) can get you there.

People tend to evaluate skill acquisition (because that’s what dating is… a learnable skill) by the amount they are paying to learn. What they rarely factor in is the amount they are paying to stay stuck…

I’ve met men who were learning about dating before me and to this day are stuck in very similar spots to where they were the day I met them. They spend 200+ hours a year doing things that don’t work (but they don’t know that), thinking that one day things will work. And all because they read it in the latest book that came out by Dating Guru X for $7.

So the question is… how are they valuing their time? 

At an hourly rate, what are they “saving” to keep the problem?

It will likely end up being less than $5/hour. 

Literally, they would be better off making minimum wage ANYWHERE than doing what they are doing to improve themselves…

And… end rant. Read those books, listen to the podcast, and get a coach if you really want targeted advice and to have this area of your life handled for good.

If working with me makes sense, schedule a Breakthrough Discovery Call and I’ll learn about you, clarify your goals, and see how we would do working together.